One to One Time
This is not something that happens regularly; however, it does come up. Often during my experience of working with children, you will have various scenarios that lead you to have one to one time with a child.
With today’s safety regulations around children, I think it is always important to have a witness nearby when dealing with a child on their own. I have had a horrible scenario, where I gently told a boy (who had run through the kitchen between rooms) to return to his room and get off the bike he was intending to ride there! If it hadn’t been for the witness who later acknowledged that I said the request with firm, kindness, and care who had seen the whole incident I would have been at the end of the “Roth” of a mother, and there is no Roth like it, believe me.
One to one time is important, it’s not always about a troubling situation, mostly it is a time when you can talk and pray into a child’s little life and share an experience they are having. It is a privilege.
Look at this beautiful picture. This is how children’s church should be, time amongst all the activities to take some time out under the table. What trust and love this little girl has to invite this helper and volunteer to have some one to one time with her. This is time that you can really share with children and gain there trust and love. If you are lucky enough to have a good ratio of volunteers to children and lucky enough to have beautiful helpers like this do encourage them to take time out with the children.
Stuck like glue
Sometimes you will have a little one that becomes very attached to you
The Cling on
Sometimes you will have a little one that becomes very attached to you, ie. holds your hand throughout play time, is almost glued to your legs, and wants to sit next to you during matt time. This is quite normal after all you are the one that has encouraged them to leave the safety of their parent’s bubble and come into yours. It is important that you can show this chid love and acceptance, so take time to read him or her a book if they are not integrating with the other children at “play time”. I often used the tactic of “why don’t you help me with getting the craft ready” or let’s make the “snack’ for “snack time” together. It is a fine line of giving that one child the attention that they need to feel comfortable without alienating others by they thinking they are missing out and you are favouring ‘one’. Often the “hand over” is vital with a wink to your trusty team. For example, “I want you to help Mrs (helper) with this now whilst I go and do that, and I will check in with you later.” It is probably important for you as leader to have free hands, and a free mind to deal with the group and not just one individual for too long.
This beautiful little one often found it difficult to leave her mum, her mum was “the” most loving mother so I could understand, however with talk of making her mum a Mother’s Day Card with hand printing I was able to pry her away. Both her and her sister enjoyed making the cards so much, this is one of my favourite pictures as it shows just how beautiful an experience of craft can be with the children.
Listen to “Me”
Much like “foyer time” after church, this is your little one’s foyer time – they have “stuff” they have saved up to tell you.
The Chatty one
Often you have taught these gorgeous children over several weeks, months and years and they get very used to you. It is so important that your relationship with them gives them time to tell you about their week, their birthday, their new pet or their first day/week at school. Make time for this, do not be task focused with things to get done so that you do not have time for relationship.
Much like foyer time after church, this is your little one’s foyer time – they have stuff they have saved up to tell you. I would approach craft tasks, and laying out, sticking, cutting out etc to other team members or pre organised during the week or coming in extra early so that you have time for the most important people which is the little ones. It is through this relationship that you bear the fruits of trust, acceptance, and a willingness to take on your teaching.
…..there are times that children are going to need a one to one chat with you due to “life happening to them”
The Troubled one
Over time I have been with children, especially during the Bible in Schools, you can immediately spot the child that is going through troubled times. These can range between a loss in the household, a marriage separation, problems at school with other children, poverty in the household.
All of these above subjects have to be handled with kid gloves, there are times that children are going to need a one to one chat with you due to “life happening to them”, you will either see sensitivity in a child, an obvious look or even smell from the child, or acting out behaviour that almost always means that something else is going on.
Take time to sit and read a book or draw a picture with these children in a one to one scenario, you can easily change the subject asking them if they need help, or if anything is bothering them. If and only “if” the child shares with you, remind them that they have a Great Big God who loves them and cares for them when they are unhappy and happy. Remind them that Jesus left his Spirit here so that we could talk to Him every day (see Teaching the Holy Spirit). On a practical level, it helps you to know what the issue is that is bothering the child so chatting with the parent/carer may be helpful. (However, be aware it may be going “where angels fear to tread” and you may need to leave it to prayer and those heavenly angels. (See Let Go and Let God resource within the site). I used to have books that I lent out endlessly they were books on introducing the “new baby” [1] “And baby makes five”, books on “Loss” like [2]Why grandmas go to Heaven”, also books on starting school, such a huge development and change in a little one’s life, [3]” Starting School”. Lending these books helps make a connection with the family and shows that you care. So, it is always good to have these types of books ready to offer to families.
How to help
During this time I reassured her that whatever happened God was looking out for her
Practical Example
One time I had a little girl in our group, whose mother was having a baby. Previously the family had lost a baby in pregnancy and the little girl was anxious about all that was going on. I took time with her when she first came into the class and I had purchased her a small notebook. We took time at the beginning of the session each week to draw or write something in the book to her new baby brother or sister. I explained why we were making the notebook and that we would keep it in the church craft cupboard until the new baby was here. Each week we would add a story in about her week or a little picture about her family that she would draw and sometimes I would write a prayer in there for her. The little girl ceased to be anxious on Sundays and ran into the class are asking for me to dig her book out of the craft cupboard and she would sit and show me all the pages, telling me what she was going to write or draw about this week. During this time I reassured her that whatever happened God was looking out for her mummy and her daddy and for her and she would always have this book to either give or keep to remind her about the new baby. Thanks are to God this little girl had the blessing of a baby brother to join her family and with great pride, she passed over the little book with many completed pages to her mum for her baby brother. I hope that this helps anyone that you are trying to help through a difficult stage. Even if it’s not about a new baby coming into the family, these little personal books can be used so that the child can create and transfer their thoughts into a project that they are working on. Replacing worry and anxiousness with creativity and positivity.
One to One time is a wonderful opportunity for “prayer”, do not miss out on this opportunity, by you praying you are teaching the child so many important values for life –
· We always go to God with our needs
· We always talk to God
· We know that God is bigger than our problems
· You are displaying your faith in a God that you are always teaching them about
· They will learn that this is what they should do when anxious or if they have a problem
· They will get reassurance from you praying out loud
· It is the start of their faith journey
One to One time is a great time to pray